The Pain of Loneliness
This is a fanfiction about how I felt after my Best Friend moved away. Written by Cinderstar List of Characters-in order of appearence '(Warning-spoilers! Lists all cats and thier relationships)' Holly: Brown tabby and white she-cat with gray stripes and amber eyes. Krisber's best friend Krisber: calico she-cat with blue eyes. Holly's best friend. Mist: Pretty pale gray she-cat with soft blue eyes. Krisber's mother. Fritz: Muscular black tom with peircing amber eyes. Krisber's brother. Hawk: Muscular tabby tom with amber eyes. Krisber's father. Peace: White she-cat with gray patches and Blue eyes. Holly's sister. Flame: Ginger tom with green eyes. Holly's brother. Ruby: beutiful ginger she-cat with amber eyes. Holly's mother. Tiger: pale, almost ginger, tabby tom with green eyes. Holly's father. Formerly Tigerstripe. Ashpaw: Smokey gray she-cat. ThunderClan apprentice. Whitestar: Long-haired white tom with blue eyes. ThunderClan leader. Tiger's father. Larkwing: Reddish brown tabby she-cat. Thunderclan deputy. Firepelt: Ginger tom. ThunderClan senior warrior. Dovestorm: Pale gray she-cat with one green eye and one blue eye. Thunderclan warrior. Thistlestar: Tabby tom. ShadowClan leader. Light of Burning Fire (Fire): Ginger she-cat. Prey hunter in the Tribe of Rushing water. Branch of Falling Tree (Branch): tabby tom. Cave-guard in the tribe of rushing water. Sparrowflight: Golden brown tabby tom with amber eyes. Warrior of ThunderClan. Lakepool: Blue-gray she-cat with green eyes. Warrior of ThunderClan. Robinsong: Brown she-cat with ginger underbelly and chest. ThunderClan's medicine cat. Teller of the Pointed Stones (Stoneteller): Black tom. Tribe Healer Storm in Dark Night (Storm): Ragged gray tom with ice-blue eyes. Tribe elder. Honeypaw: Golden she-cat. Krisber's apprentice. Breezepaw: Pale gray she-cat. Holly's apprentice. Frostpaw: White she-cat. Lakepool's apprentice. Chapter 1 My life fell apart that day. It was like any other day. Me and my best friend Krisber were hunting. The warm Green-leaf sun was shining through the trees, dappling the ground beneath our paws. We weren't littermates, our parents barely knew each other, but we had been friends since kithood, and I was closer to her than even my own littermates. Life was good. There was always enough prey in our corner of the forest and even though there were some tough days, everything always turned out right. Krisber picked up the smell of squirrel, and flicked with her tail to signal me to stop. I paused, and watched as my best friend silently stalked up on the squirrel. She leaped when she was a few tail-lenths away and landed right on the squirrel, killing it with a quick clean bite. "Want to share?" She meowed padding over to where I sat. "Sure!" I meowed happily. We bit into the squirrel and let the delicous flavor of the squirrel fill our mouths. Squirrel was Krisber's favorite type of prey. I liked it too, but my favorite was starling. I liked to use the feathers to line our nests. Suddenly we heard a twig snap. We spun around to see a pretty pale gray she-cat and two muscular toms, one tabby and one black, walking towards us. "good. You've eaten." The tabby meowed in a gruff voice. I had never seen him before, but I reconized the other two cats. The She-cat was Krisber's mother, Mist, and the black tom was Krisber's brother, Fritz. "Come on. We don't have all day!" The tabby meowed. "What's happening?" Krisber meowed, suprised. "Who is this cat, and why does he want us to leave?" Mist stepped forward "Krisber, this is your father, Hawk. He is the leader of a group of cats called The Mountain Cats." Mist's soft blue eyes clouded with sadness. "H-he want's you to go join his group. You don't have a choice. It was part of the deal when I decided to leave The Mountain cats. Any of his kits have to join his group after living with me for four seasons." Krisber stared in dismay as Mist told her story. "S-so that means I have to leave Holly? My best friend! No I won't do it!" Hawk looked calmly at Krisber as she spoke "You're coming with me You don't have a choice. MIst and Fritz are coming too. Say good-bye to your friend. You'll meet plenty others in The Mountain Group. Krisber sadly fixed her green eyes on me. "Good-bye Holly... I don't want to go. I'll be back some day, I promise." I rubbed my muzzle against Krisber's. "G-good-bye. I'll miss you. There will never be a friend like you. you will always be my best friend, and I will always be yours." We looked into each other's eyes for another heartbeat then she turned around and followed her family. I watched until she was gone, the last flick of her calico tail dissapeared behind a tree. That's when I felt the thorn of loss and loneliness peirce my heart. Chapter 2 I wandered aimlessly through the forest. A starling was only a few foxlenths away, but I didn't care. I had too many thoughts running through my head to hunt. One moment Krisber was there, and the next...gone. I miss her more than anyone could ever imagine, more than anyone has ever felt. I don't see how anyone could have felt the way I felt. My heart twisted in pain at just the thought of Krisber's face, but I needed this image. I must cling to anyting connected to her. I hear my sister, Peace, calling me. What now!'' 'Can't you see I want to be alone! The only cat I want is Krisber! I thought with despair. Nothing could make me feel better. My family tried so hard, but nothing could work. My brother, Flame, tried joking around to make me laugh, which is normally quite easy, but his jokes didn't seem funny. Peace often caught me starlings to eat, seeing as I was too depressed to hunt, But now I only seemed to have an appitite for squirrels. "What!" I almost growled, but even depressed and heartbroken, I would never growl at her. Peace's white and gray patched body appeared through the ferns. "Ruby wants you." Peace meowed. Ruby was my mother. She was born a kittypet, and never thought to change her name. She left her twolegs because she loved my father, Tiger so much. She likes the wild way more than she ever loved her twolegs. "Tell her I'm coming." I meowed. Peace turned around and happily bounded away. I sighed. How could she be so happy? But then again, Her best friend didn't leave the forest. Her best friend still lived quite close and visited her almost every day. I dragged myself up and walked towards our camp. There were many small families of cats in this peaceful forest. They all had camps close to each other and There was enough prey for everyone so there was no need to fight. As I entered our camp in a ravine, a strange cat scent hit my nose. Chapter 3 Ruby was crouched over a cat about my age. She was smokey gray had many scratches and scars. Tiger was sitting a little ways away. He had a few wounds on him too. "What happened?" I asked. Ruby looked up. "This cat was being attacked by a fox. Tiger drove it off, but she's badly hurt." She flicked her ginger tail towards the she-cat as she spoke. That's when I noticed the scent of herbs and saw the piles of cobwebs. ''Mouse-brain ''I thought to myself. "Is that why you called me?" I asked. "Yes. When she gets better you can teach her about the places around here. Right now I need you to fetch me some marigold." My mother meowed. I dipped my head to show I understood and ran off. I knew all the best places in the forest to find herbs and prey, and I rushed off to the place where marigold grew best. When I saw the marigold I was struck by a memory of Krisber, when we were six moons old, and our mothers had been teaching us some basic healing herbs. I remembered Krisber goofing off, and she tumbled right into this patch of marigold. She looked so funny with all the petals clinging to her fur. My heart twisted in pain at the memory. Sighing, I picked some marigold and ran off to my camp. I knew it wouldn't be good if the gray she-cat's wounds got infected. When I returned, the she-cat had woken up. My mother took the marigold from me and began to put it on the gray she-cat. "This is Ashpaw" Ruby explained. "She's a ThunderClan apprentice. She said she was having her assessment when a fox attacked her and dragged her away." I had heard stories about the four clans who lived around a lake about about a day's journey from here. Aparently, My father had once been a ThunderClan warrior named Tigerstripe. He had left because the life of a warrior was not for him. The stories of the clans had always intrigued me, and I wondered why my father would ever leave that life. Krisber and I had always talked about leaving this forest and joining a clan when we were old enough. If we had left sooner she wouldn't had left, and we could be living the life we'd always dreamed of. Chapter 4 Ashpaw had recovered and was almost ready to return to ThunderClan. I was struggling with a dicision. I wanted to go with Ashpaw and join her clan to live the life I had always wanted, but if I left, and Krisber returned, would she ever find me? I missed her so much, but living in a clan could help heal the pain. I would be away from all the painful memories. Sure, I wanted to cling to them, but I would remeber new memories there, and with less memories I wouldn't be depressed all the time. Also, being around lots of other cats could help because I would make new friends who could help me through hard times. I would still miss Krisber, it would feel bad not to, but with new friends I could still feel happy. Patrols and warrior duties would distract me, and give me less time to mope. Maybe I did need to get away from it all. here there were all these memories and all this extra time on my paws leaving me more time to think and mope. With all these thoughts buzzing around in my head, I decided to talk to my family about this dicision. First I talked Peace. "Just follow your heart!" Peace told me. "I don't know where my heart leads me though." I meowed sadly. "If I go, will you come with me?" I asked. I loved my sister and would never dream of leaving her. "Sure!" She replied. I was glad she made that decision. She is one of the closest friends I have. "I-I think I'll go." I meowed. "We should tell Ruby where leaving with Ashpaw." Peace dipped her head, and I saw excitement and sadness in her blue eyes. We walked to the camp together. When we walked in, Ruby was giving Ashpaw traveling herbs. "She's leaving to go home to her clan now." She explained. Peace looked down at her paws. "You talk." She murmered. "Peace and I have decided, we want to go with Ashpaw, and join ThunderClan. If you see Krisber, can you point her in the right direction?" Ruby sadly looked up at us. "Your full grown now, you make the dicisions of where you want to go, and how you want to live your life." Our mother meowed sadly, as if admitting to herself she couldn't stop us. "Yes I will point Krisber in the right direction. I'll get you some traveling herbs. Ruby walked out of the medicine den with herbs in her mouth. "Eat these." She meowed. Peace and I ate the herbs. "Bye Ruby! Bye Flame! Bye Tiger!" Peace and I meowed. After we said our good-byes, Ashpaw lead us out of the camp. As we left the forest, the only home I had ever known, I felt a thorn of grief piece my heart. I was leaving my family, and I might never see them again, just as I might never see Krisber again. Chapter 5 After a day's travel, we reached the lake. Ashpaw lead us to the camp and I was amazed when I first walked in. It was in a stone hollow and there was a fallen tree in the middle of it. There were lots of dens, and I wondered where I would sleep. All the cats in the hollow were staring at us. I couldn't wait to meet all these cats. It was so exciting I almost forgot how much I missed Krisber. A long-haired white tom strode majesticly towards us. "Ashpaw? who are these cats?" He asked curiously. "Whitestar, these are Holly and Peace. There family helped me recover after I was attacked by a fox, and their father, who you would know as Tigerstripe, was the one who saved me from the fox. Holly and Peace want to join ThunderClan." Ashpaw replied. Whitestar's eyes lit up. "Tigerstripe? If these are Tigerstripe's kits they are welcome to stay. It's good to hear that my son is doing well" I looked at Whitestar in awe. He was my father's father! "Thank you." Was all I could manage to say. Whitestar looked at me with a warm glow in his eyes. "I will call a clan meeting." He jumped onto a stone ledge. "All cats old enough to catch their own prey gather here under the Highledge for a clan meeting!" Whitestar yowled. All the cats who were sitting around the camp got up and gathered around the Highledge. "These two cats are Tigerstripe's kits, and they want to join ThunderClan." Gasps went up around the camp and I heard a tabby she-cat whisper to a ginger tom, "I thought he was dead... Thank StarClan!" Whitestar raised his tail for silence before he spoke again. " I will give them their warrior names because any kit of Tigerstripe is bound to be a good warrior! Peace and Holly, do you promise to uphold the warrior code, even at the cost of your lives?" "I do!" Both Peace and I meowed at the same time. I felt excitement tingling in my fur. I was becoming a warrior! "Then by the Powers of StarClan, Peace, your warrior name will be Moonshine. Holly, your warrior name will be Hollyleaf. Moonshine, Hollyleaf, Welcome to the clan!" "Moonshine! Hollyleaf!" The clan chanted. I couldn't wait to meet all these cats, and my dream had come true. I was a warrior! And I had a great warrior name, My father had told me clan legends he had been told as a kit, and Hollyleaf was a cat of the legends. Then a feeling swept in and swamped all my excitement. Krisber should be here beside us. I missed her more than anything, and I always would, until she stood at my side once more. Chapter 6 A few moons had past since Moonshine and I had become warriors. I was desprete to prove my loyalty. Most cats didn't believe Whitestar was right to let us join the clan on such short notice, and without being apprentices first. I knew it could take a while for the clan to trust and accept me. I had heard the stories of Firestar and Brambleclaw, how they had to prove their loyalty over and over again. Moonshine nudged me awake. "Larkwing wants you for the dawn patrol!" I sat up and dragged myself out of my nest. When I walked out of the warriors den. Larkwing was waiting with Firepelt and Dovestorm. I groaned. Firepelt was the cat who believed the most that I shouldn't be part of the clan. He had argued many times with me, Moonshine and Whitestar. Dovestorm blinked at me sympatheticly. The odd-eyed warrior had always stood up for me and my sister. Paws heavy, I followed the patrol out of the camp. We patroled the ShadowClan border first. It was quiet, which was good because Thistlestar had been causing a lot of trouble lately, In fact, every thing was quiet, until we reaced the WindClan border, then an unfamilier scent hit my nose. "What's that?" I asked. Larkwing stiffened. "The Tribe Of Rushing Water. They live in the mountains. They must be having trouble with the other group of cats who live in the mountains again." A spark of hope lit up inside of me. Krisber had been taken away to live in the mountains to live with a group of cats. Maybe she would be there! I just had to go to the mountians! Suddenly two cats appeared. One was a Ginger she-cat and the other was a tabby tom. The she-cat spoke first. "Greetings, I am Light of Burning Fire, and this is Branch of Falling Tree. The tribe needs your help. The intruders are ignoring our borders again." Larksong dipped her head. "We'll take you to the camp and we'll see what Whitestar says." Our patrol lead the tribe cats to the camp. As we were walking, my heart soared. I could hardly believe it. I tried to keep my hopes down, why would Whitestar choose a new inexpirienced warrior who hasn't proven her loyalty yet to go help the tribe, if he even decided to help at all. But it was impossible, how could I, when I had a chance to see the only cat who could ease this loneliness in my heart, the only cat who could pull out the ice shard of greif piercing it. Chapter 7 Back at the camp, Whitestar spoke to Branch and Light. Excitement tingled in my paws. I just had to go to the mountains! As soon as Whitestar had finished talking to them, I leaped to my paws and rushed over to him. "So, are we helping these cats?" I asked. Whitestar dipped his head in reply. I could hardly contain my excitement. I shyly looked at my brown and gray striped paws. "C-can I go?" I asked, looking up at him with my amber eyes. Whitestar calmly looked at me. "Why do you want to go?" He asked curiously. I shifted my paws. I needed to prove I was loyal. If I mentioned Krisber he wouldn't think it was a worthy enough reason to go. "I want to prove my loyalty to the clan" I meowed. It was true, these were other reasons why I wanted to go. "And I've heard about the mountains, from Tiger and from tales from my mother. I'm curious about them and the cats who live there." Whitestar got a thoughtful look in his blue eyes. He thought it over before he answered. "Okay, you can go." I had to stop myself from leaping with joy. Whitestar jumped onto the Highledge and yowled for a clan meeting. "You have all heard of the Tribe cats, and that they need our help." He meowed whe every cat had gathered. "I have decided to help them. I will send a patrol of five cats. Firepelt, Dovestorm, Sparrowflight, Lakepool and Hollyleaf." Shocked meows rang across the camp when my name was spoken. Whitestar waved his tail for silence. "They shall leave at once, as soon as Robinsong has traveling herbs ready for them." The clan stood up and went back to what they were doing. I walked towards Light, Branch, Dovestorm, Firepelt, Lakepool and Sparrowflight who had all gathered and were talking quietly to each other. Firepelt glared at me as I walked up. None of the other cats seemed to notice, so I ignored him. Dovestorm and Lakepool were talking excitedly. Robinsong appeared out of her den a mouthful of herb. She gave us our share and wished us good luck on our journey. As we left the camp and walked around the lake towards the mountains, which was no more than a gray haze on the horizon, I prayed to StarClan that Krisber would be there. Chapter 8 After a long journey, we finally reached the mountains. I saw a happy look in the eyes of Light and Branch that I hadn't seen before as they breathed in the first scent of mountain air. "Home..." Branch murmered. Light padded up beside him. "Time to show those intruders they don't belong here. The mountains will be ours again!" She meowed excitedly. They lead us to a cave behind a waterfall. I looked around in amazement Cats were sharing tounges around the cave and dark pathways lead to dens other caves. Firepelt strutted in as if he was superior to these cats. Out of the darkest lit pathway, a black tom imerged. "Greetings." He meowed. "I am Teller of the Pointed Stones, or Stoneteller, healer of the Tribe of Rushing Water. We thank you for coming to help us." Relief echoed through the cave. a scrawny looking elder spoke up. "Are they going to change our ways? Like those clan cats did seasons ago. My mother was alive then and told me about them." His gray pelt was fluffed up, and his ice-blue eyes glared at us. Stoneteller camly looked at the elder. "Storm, If that's what it takes to save our tribe, then it's a measure we'll have to take. We won't be giving up all are traditions." Storm growled but admitted defeat. He sunk down into his mossy nest. "So," Firepelt meowed, boldly stepping up, "What do you want us to do." Lakepool narrowed her green eyes at him. ''Arrogent Furball ''I thought. I brushed it away. I was supposed to be loyal to my clanmates. Stoneteller looked intensely into Firepelt's eyes. "Teach us the battle moves we have all forgotten. I want those intruders gone for good, they've stolen to much prey." His eyes turned cold as if remembering what the intruders had done. What ''Krisber ''had done if she was a part of this, I reilised with a jolt. I got lost in my own thoughts for a little while and didn't hear what Stoneteller said next. Lakepool brushed her tail on my sholder and broke me out of my racing thoughts. "Are you okay" She meowed. She looked concerned. I didn't feel like telling her all that went through my mind. I'm not sure if she would trust my loyalty if she knew about Krisber. No one would, no one knew about Krisber at all, no one would understand. Grief twisted my heart. I was lonely, even in my clan. "Hollyleaf?" Lakepool meowed, pulling me out of my thoughts again. "Yah, sort of, it's complicated." I said, not wanting to lie, but I had to, for now at least. "It's not very important anyways. I'm just..." I searched for a word. "Tired, and I've got a lot on my mind." I could tell that Lakepool didn't quite believe me, but she didn't question me anymore. "Well, Stoneteller wants us to train the to-bes while Dovestorm, Firepelt and Sparrowflight train the cave-guards and prey-hunters." I smiled, and followed her to where the to-bes were sitting. We showed them fighting moves built on what they already knew. It distracted me from my thoughts, and I felt happy teaching them. I wondered if this was what it's like having an apprentice. If it was, I wanted one. After a quarter moon of training the to-bes I became good friends with Lakepool, and got to know her better. She was a great friend, but no one coulds get close to Krisber, and as I fell asleep that night, I reilised that this feeling would always return, until Krisber was back. Chapter 9 "We attack tonight!" Stoneteller announced. Earlier he had spoken with Lakepool, Dovestorm, Sparrowflight, Firepelt and I about the progress of his tribe. When we told him they'd learned a much as they needed for a battle, he started planning one. He assembled the battle patrol and lead us out of the cave. There was a good amout of cave-guards, prey-hunters and To-bes. My clanmates and I were coming along also. I was nervous about the battle, not only was it my first battle, but I might have to face Krisber. Lakepool noticed how nervous I was, and walked up to me. "Nervous?" She asked. "You've never seemed nervous at the thought of a fight?" Her green eyes searched curiously into mine, as if looking for what I had been hiding all this time, and I knew I couldn't keep this a secret any longer. I needed to share with some cat. I told her about Krisber, about how we'd been friends since kithood and how I felt when she left. I told her about my excitement when Light and Branch came, and about all my thoughts this past half moon. It felt good to tell some cat, and Lakepool just listened intently, like any good friend would. She didn't even think me disloyal. She hung on to every word. "Why did you not share this before?" Lakepool asked, not unkindly, just like a friend would. "I-I thought everyone would think me disloyal." I replied. "No cat would think just because you have friendship's outside of the clan, if any cat thought that at all, it was because we didn't know you." Lakepool said. She was about to speak again when Stoneteller signaled his tail for us to be quiet. I flicked my tail to let her know I understood. "We're just outside their camp." Stoneteller whispered. Then he yowled out at the top of his lungs, "Attack!" We leaped down into their camp as cats shot out of their dens, pelts bristling and ready to protect themselves. I suddenly found my self facing a muscular blank tom. "Great StarClan no..." I muttered. Excitement and fear spread throuh me. "Fritz" After training and learning so much of the intruder's ways, Fritz was strong. I tried hard to defeat him, but I couldn't. He had me pinned, I felt his breath on my neck, ready to rip my throat out. Suddenly I felt the weight on me lessen, and I saw Lakepool fighting him off. I leaped to my paws and helped her drive him away. Lakepool and I drove off two other cats before we lost each other in the mob of fighting cats. Suddenly I came face to face with a calico she-cat. "Krisber!" I meowed. Krisber didn't notice me for a few heart-beats and looked puzzled. Then I saw a flash of recognition in her eyes. "Holly!" She yowled excitedly. We rub muzzles and rub against each other, happy to see each other again. Suddenly Hawk stalked up beside us. "Krisber, where has your loyalty gone." He meowed in his gruff voice. "Kill this cat, or you will be banished from the mountain cats." Krisber turned to stare at her father "That's fine with me, I never wanted to come here in the first place!" Her steady meow got angrier as she went on. "You took my away from my best friend in the world!" I noticed all the cats had stopped fighting and had turned to watch her. "I'm going with Holly! She's the only cat who I want to be with! I never felt any loyalty to this pile of mouse dung!" Hawk's eyes turned cold. "is that so. You will regret saying those words!" He leaped at Krisber, and I could tell he was trying to kill her. I tried to pull him aff my friend, but couldn't do it. Suddenly The weight was easier to bear and I saw Firepelt, Lakepool, Dovestorm and Sparrowflight helping me. We all fought him. I was so angry I inflicted some very deadly wounds. Suddenly Firepelt leaped up and landed on Hawk, killing him with one last blow. Terrified, the intruders raced out of the camp, fleeing, and ready to search for a new home. Exasted, Firepelt looked at me. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you before," He meowed. 'Lakepool told us what happened." Then celebration echoed throughout the camp. The tribe for their victory, their worst enemy defeated. My clanmates and I were celebrating about Krisber returning, and that I would be happy again, never to feel grief peirce my heart ever again, at least for a long, long time, I hope. Epilogue We were home in ThunderClan again. Krisber had been given a warrior name, Sundapple. We were running through the forest With Lakepool, hunting. Our apprentices, Honeypaw, Breezepaw and Frostpaw were running behind us. After returning from our hunt, We dropped our prey into the fresh-kill pile. It was getting dark, but we weren't sleepy. Sundapple, Lakepool and I went out for a walk. We walked down to the lake. It was reflecting the sunset. We peacefully sat down and watched as it grew darker, and stars appeared in the sky. I sighed. "This is the way life should always be." I meowed happily, full from a big meal. Sundapple purred in agreement. Lakepool turned to us. "I've got some good news!" She meowed excitedly to us. "What?" Sundapple and I asked at the same time. "I'm expecting kits!" Lakepool meowed happily. "Sparrowflight's?" I asked. "Yes." Lakepool replied peacefully. I looked up at the stars, thanking StarClan that everything had turned out great. My best friend was back, My other best friend was expecting kits, show us that life always went on. I will always remember how I felt when Sundapple was gone, but I'm glad that part of my life was over. Right everything was perfect, but I knew it wouldn't always be, but at least I had two great friends and my clan to help me get through rough times. I watched as the green-leaf sun shone it's last rays across the lake and I purred, happy at last, The thorn of grief that once peirced my heart was gone. The End This is the end of the story. I hope you enjoyed it. My best friend hasn't moved back, but I hope she will someday, she said she probably would. I doubt her coming back will be as dramatic as Sundapple's was, but I'd be happy to have her back all the same. (A/N My best friend is moving back this summer!) Category:HollyleafOfThunderclan's Fanfics Category:Fan Fictions